You know what's scarier than a man-sized dog growling and bearing its teeth at you? Five man-sized dogs growling and bearing their teeth at you.

It was a hot day. I just wanted to enter the park (which is something I so rarely do anyway), but as soon as I crossed that invisible line it was ON!

You remember those movies where you just KNOW that guy is gonna end up real bad in the next two minutes? Eerie music, shadows running on the walls, the close-up of a sweat drop making its way down Mr. Redshirt's forehead, all dead give-aways. And he knows it too, I mean they all know it. Where the hell was all that for me?

In just a few seconds, after what seemed like a perfectly coordinated attack (can dogs plot? must research) I found myself surrounded by five pissed off dogs that wanted to make me their bitch. All that stuff I heard about dealing with wild animals kicked in, but unfortunately 90% of that was on the topic of black bears (the other 10% dealing with great white sharks). I seriously doubted that playing dead and making my delicious face region available for defiling was the right choice here... also, they weren't bears, sharks, bear-shark or even the elusive shark-bears (pictured here [link])

What was that again... look them in the eye to assert dominance? Wait, wasn't making eye contact considered provocation? Don't run because it makes them chase you... but if I stay perfectly still won't that make me look like a weak prey? And how can I oh look they have puppies! Three adorable little puppies coming out from the shrubs and they are wiggling their little tails and oh god they are just so cute agoogoo yes you are! Yes you are! Just then it hit me that mother bears will attack anyone that approaches their pups. This kind of applies to most carnivores. Run away now, you cute little potentially mauling-causing, life threatening balls of fur... run away now... oh god, please get away! No, don't come nearer!

In the end the only thing I could think of that could work was just walk away at a steady pace forward, show no fear, ignore them and try not to shit my pants. How did that turn out? Well I'm typing this, aren't I? And my pants are only lightly shat.